I've got told many times that I should just get up and do something... It's just not that easy. It might seem like it for someone who doesn't know, but it isn't. For me, doing something is hard, because I have no passion on anything, no interest on anything. I'd need to find that something that I get passion for, before I can get myself up and running. At the moment, nothing gives me pleasure (except for my GF).. Not even video games, that gave me pleasure for multiple years, and worked as a cure for depression. Now, it's just a way to waste my time. I have nothing.
I've gotten help from multiple sources. I get helped by my friends, and family, and I also have professional help available, BUT because of the fact that I'm not interested on anything, I'm not interested even on my own life, it gets hard. I have to get that motivation boost from somewhere, but it's easier said than done. I know I'm capable of doing that, but I need time, and right now, I have no time. Society presses me down all the time. I need to do X amount of studies, to get my aid back. Yeah, it shouldn't be all about money, but in nowadays society, it pretty much is. I don't want to lose my apartment, and I don't want to move back to my parents. I've lived on my own for 2½ years now, I don't want to take step back, I want to move forward. The thing is though, I need time.
I can't get onto studies, because I don't find anything interesting. Went through all possible lanes in my university, and found NOTHING. Also, it gives extra pressure to have society pressuring me. Although I now got social aid, I don't know for how long. And with study money, it's like 50€/month I have to live with. And the same would be, if I went for sick leave (again). My financial situation pressures me, and stresses me.
Also, I've gotten told, that I have to get my own life good, before I can help others. The thing with that is, helping others works as a cure for me. Seeing someone else smile or laugh, makes me happy, especially when I have done something to get that smile to his/her face. My own life has gone up from what it was last fall, but I'm still not fully "cured", and I'll never be. Depression is always gonna haunt me somehow, that's a fact. I can ease it, but I can never get fully rid of it.
I'm glad to see how many people really care about me, and want to help me. I'll always be thankful for you, BUT I need to get something done myself. Right now, I just need that time, it's all I really need. Time for myself (and my GF), time to think things through. I just can't get that right now.
Also, right now I use this same post to complain about Finland's financing system. WHY does unemployed people get 10 times more money than students? It should be same for students, but no. As a student, I get approximately 50€/month after paying rent. Right now, as I'm on social aid, which is pretty much the same as unemployed get, I get 500€/month after rent. And then they complain in media that students do almost full-time jobs during studies.. Why would that be? Maybe it is because we can't get money from anywhere else? I just can't get the reason, why it is like that... I would like to be unemployed right now, but to get that, I can't be a student, and pretty much I need to finish some studies and get profession, to get to be unemployed...
But yeah, that's it for now, I hope you understood my points. Feel free to ask on comments below, or in my social media (links on the right).
I've gotten help from multiple sources. I get helped by my friends, and family, and I also have professional help available, BUT because of the fact that I'm not interested on anything, I'm not interested even on my own life, it gets hard. I have to get that motivation boost from somewhere, but it's easier said than done. I know I'm capable of doing that, but I need time, and right now, I have no time. Society presses me down all the time. I need to do X amount of studies, to get my aid back. Yeah, it shouldn't be all about money, but in nowadays society, it pretty much is. I don't want to lose my apartment, and I don't want to move back to my parents. I've lived on my own for 2½ years now, I don't want to take step back, I want to move forward. The thing is though, I need time.
I can't get onto studies, because I don't find anything interesting. Went through all possible lanes in my university, and found NOTHING. Also, it gives extra pressure to have society pressuring me. Although I now got social aid, I don't know for how long. And with study money, it's like 50€/month I have to live with. And the same would be, if I went for sick leave (again). My financial situation pressures me, and stresses me.
Also, I've gotten told, that I have to get my own life good, before I can help others. The thing with that is, helping others works as a cure for me. Seeing someone else smile or laugh, makes me happy, especially when I have done something to get that smile to his/her face. My own life has gone up from what it was last fall, but I'm still not fully "cured", and I'll never be. Depression is always gonna haunt me somehow, that's a fact. I can ease it, but I can never get fully rid of it.
I'm glad to see how many people really care about me, and want to help me. I'll always be thankful for you, BUT I need to get something done myself. Right now, I just need that time, it's all I really need. Time for myself (and my GF), time to think things through. I just can't get that right now.
Also, right now I use this same post to complain about Finland's financing system. WHY does unemployed people get 10 times more money than students? It should be same for students, but no. As a student, I get approximately 50€/month after paying rent. Right now, as I'm on social aid, which is pretty much the same as unemployed get, I get 500€/month after rent. And then they complain in media that students do almost full-time jobs during studies.. Why would that be? Maybe it is because we can't get money from anywhere else? I just can't get the reason, why it is like that... I would like to be unemployed right now, but to get that, I can't be a student, and pretty much I need to finish some studies and get profession, to get to be unemployed...
But yeah, that's it for now, I hope you understood my points. Feel free to ask on comments below, or in my social media (links on the right).
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