Saturday, March 18, 2017


Am I disrespectful, or is there some other reason that people don't have any respect on me? Every time I state my opinion, with good reasoning or not, I get said I'm wrong. Yes, I know this is the internet, but that's not an excuse to acting shitty on other people. My opinion is next to never respected. People might say they respect it, but they act like they don't. I'm also feeling I don't fit in anywhere, and the biggest "fault" I clearly have in any community is the fact that I don't drink. I've always said I don't give a flying fuck if you drink or not, but you don't have to come tell me that I should drink, and boasting with how much alcohol you drank last night is stupid, we all know that it's not really boasting matter, but if I comment on something alcohol-related, I get shot down immediately, because "what do I know". I have no say on anything I haven't tried? Why everyone else has then?

I can give you that I am opinionful (that might not be a word) person, and I come out as one, but the fact that I'm disrespected almost daily because of my opinions just doesn't feel good. I'm left out, I'm not part of ANY community nowadays. I had a community I fit in few years back, it's gone now. Where do I fit in, when every other day I get to fights somewhere, just by stating my opinion, which may differ from public opinion.

I am left out, and probably now half of you will say it's my own fault for being introvert. It's not that I wouldn't go in, I do, but I never feel welcomed anywhere. I feel like I have next to none real friends, just by checking my messages lately, next to none has come to talk to me. I have some people who I know really cares, even online, but there's a problem that we have little in common, so we talk rarely. I am sorry for that, but that's how it goes. However, the problem is, in groups, I'm always outsider, I don't fit in, I'm not welcomed. If I can't say anything opinionated without getting shot down with clear disrespect, why do I keep trying. I don't talk if I don't have something to say, I've been raised to that. I might still talk before thinking and say stupid things, I usually (try to) fix the mistake made as soon as I notice it though.

In another thing, I'm getting tired of trying again. I'm maybe going forward now that I (probably) start rehabilitation course on end of April, but what then, who knows. I have dreams, but I don't have stamina to go to them. I have financial issues, because of old mistakes; not that having student aid would be any better. Financial stress makes other stress, which takes my stamina. I'm not really motivated to anything, especially when it feels that there's max 3 people who really understand me. Is the problem really in me? I never know how much of people's opinions they say to me are legit. I lack self-confidence, and the fact that people say one thing and come out in other way doesn't help. I have trust issues, because people don't show up like they deserve my trust.