Saturday, January 24, 2015

Why don't you just ...?

I've got told many times that I should just get up and do something... It's just not that easy. It might seem like it for someone who doesn't know, but it isn't. For me, doing something is hard, because I have no passion on anything, no interest on anything. I'd need to find that something that I get passion for, before I can get myself up and running. At the moment, nothing gives me pleasure (except for my GF).. Not even video games, that gave me pleasure for multiple years, and worked as a cure for depression. Now, it's just a way to waste my time. I have nothing.

I've gotten help from multiple sources. I get helped by my friends, and family, and I also have professional help available, BUT because of the fact that I'm not interested on anything, I'm not interested even on my own life, it gets hard. I have to get that motivation boost from somewhere, but it's easier said than done. I know I'm capable of doing that, but I need time, and right now, I have no time. Society presses me down all the time. I need to do X amount of studies, to get my aid back. Yeah, it shouldn't be all about money, but in nowadays society, it pretty much is. I don't want to lose my apartment, and I don't want to move back to my parents. I've lived on my own for 2½ years now, I don't want to take step back, I want to move forward. The thing is though, I need time.

I can't get onto studies, because I don't find anything interesting. Went through all possible lanes in my university, and found NOTHING. Also, it gives extra pressure to have society pressuring me. Although I now got social aid, I don't know for how long. And with study money, it's like 50€/month I have to live with. And the same would be, if I went for sick leave (again). My financial situation pressures me, and stresses me.

Also, I've gotten told, that I have to get my own life good, before I can help others. The thing with that is, helping others works as a cure for me. Seeing someone else smile or laugh, makes me happy, especially when I have done something to get that smile to his/her face. My own life has gone up from what it was last fall, but I'm still not fully "cured", and I'll never be. Depression is always gonna haunt me somehow, that's a fact. I can ease it, but I can never get fully rid of it.

I'm glad to see how many people really care about me, and want to help me. I'll always be thankful for you, BUT I need to get something done myself. Right now, I just need that time, it's all I really need. Time for myself (and my GF), time to think things through. I just can't get that right now.

Also, right now I use this same post to complain about Finland's financing system. WHY does unemployed people get 10 times more money than students? It should be same for students, but no. As a student, I get approximately 50€/month after paying rent. Right now, as I'm on social aid, which is pretty much the same as unemployed get, I get 500€/month after rent. And then they complain in media that students do almost full-time jobs during studies.. Why would that be? Maybe it is because we can't get money from anywhere else? I just can't get the reason, why it is like that... I would like to be unemployed right now, but to get that, I can't be a student, and pretty much I need to finish some studies and get profession, to get to be unemployed...

But yeah, that's it for now, I hope you understood my points. Feel free to ask on comments below, or in my social media (links on the right).

Saturday, January 10, 2015

STOP Bullying


I might be little harsh on this post, because this is so close to my heart... DO NOT be offended by language or anything:

Ok, let's go straight to the point: Bullying is SHIT! Bullying causes depression, anxiety, and eventually can cause suicide. I've never could, and never will understand the motives of bullies: why you do it, why you make someone's life miserable, or at worse, make them kill themself? What is the reason behind this? When you bully someone, you leave eternal scars, even if it's not physical... Mental bullying, like calling names, discrimination, and all that stuff, are sometimes way worse than physical bullying... Sticks and stones may break my bones, and so on... You will never have any good reason to make someone wanting to end their life.. NEVER... Sometimes, bullying gets to the level, where kids tell other kids to kill themselves.. And sometimes, the bullied kid will grant that wish. And this happens in ages under 15...

Another thing I want to talk about, is intervening with bullying. I shouldn't generalize, but teachers don't do anything to stop bullying, pretty often. Always you hear and see everywhere on papers, and in schools, that there's zero tolerance of bullying, but still, when it happens, people are ignoring it, just shrugging their shoulders.. When some kid is told to kill themself by a class-mate, you cannot ignore it, you have to step in, but still, no, nothing happens... Maybe they get some reprimand, or detention, but what's that gonna help? You have to step in in bigger way, especially when it gets that bad... No one, I mean NO ONE should have to live with people telling them to kill themselves, but still, it's usually the bullied who has to change school, have to move, because of that, and their self-esteem is so low, that they will be alone in new place also... Teachers have the power in school to step in, but they choose not to do it, and just sit and drink their coffee, and then say "we have no time" and "kids are kids" and "they can handle it by themselves". THEY CAN'T. Kids, especially young ones, CAN'T handle it by themselves, it will only get worse day by day, if you think like that...

Also, big part in this, comes from family, parents. I have been in situation, where bully's parents don't believe when teacher, or even headmaster, comes to tell them that their kid has bullied someone.. "No our little *add name here* wouldn't do that".. Yes he/she would, why would teacher tell you a lie for fuck's sake.. The bullying usually comes from home, bad relation in family, parents that doesn't care what their kids do, and stuff like that. Parents can prevent bullying, by talking to their kids, being with them, and doing stuff with them.

I can say from experience, bullying gives marks, that will never go away... I was bullied for 10 years in school (from 1st grade to 1st year of high school), pretty much daily, and now I have had depression for 11 years.. I know bullying can't be stopped wholy, that will never happen, BUT that doesn't mean you can't decrease it. But that won't happen if teachers and parents don't intervene. If you leave it to kids themselves to make peace and stop, it will NEVER happen. How many young-age suicides we need to see, before you adults can see it? Bullying isn't playing, but adults seem to see it like that: "They are just being kids" or "it's part of childhood"... It shouldn't be! No one should be bullied, and no one should bully.

Also, not leaving out the otherside, which is the bullies. They often have problems of their own, which show up by bullying others. You also have to remember, to ask them why they do it, and try to help them. Bad life leads to bullying.

If YOU, who are reading this text, are a bully, go apologize the people who you have bullied, and if you bully because you have your own problems, go seek help. If YOU are bullied, stay strong, and don't let yourself be kicked down totally, keep your friends close, we all have some. And if you are getting depressed, go seek for help as soon as possible. Earlier you go for help, earlier you will get it, and earlier you will get out of depression. I had depression for 10 years before I went for help. Don't do the same mistake.


I throw the ball to adults, parents and teachers! YOU have the power to decrease it, or even stop it! USE your time!

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Me & Alcohol

I have been asked about reasons why I don't drink alcohol, so here it is.

As some of you might know, I'm a non-drinker, I don't drink alcohol. Why should I? To get hangovers, to get into fights, to don't remember what I've done? After spending New Year at center of Tampere, I saw once again why I chose to not drink: because there's many young people, barely standing up, talking about something random, and forgetting everything. What is use of that? I don't get it. 

You can call me weird all that you want, I pretty much am weird, being non-drinker at age of 21 in Finland, where every big holiday seems to only be a reason to get drunk. I don't really care if you drink or not, but you don't have to try to make me drink; I won't, no matter how much you push me, and also, why should you push me to drink? What do you lose if I don't drink? 

I can also say that some things in the past might have something to do with my decision, but I won't open them up here, you may ask elsewhere. 

My decision to not drink shouldn't matter to anyone in here. I am not against drinking, although I don't get the reason of getting overly drunk, because I don't get what you people get from that, being in unconscious state, and forgetting everything afterwards. I haven't lost anything in my life because of not drinking, and I won't lose anything. If you have problem with me not drinking, then you have; I won't change because of anyone else.

I have no reason to drink, and you have no reason to have a problem with that. I don't like overly drunk people, because I, and even them themselves, don't know what they might do. If you have anything else you want to know, just ask, you'll find me on social media.