Sunday, March 15, 2015

Rollercoaster called my mood

I thought I might aswell make an update on here. My mood has been going up and down lately, and right now, it's going down quick, mainly because of the fact, that I can't get anything done. I have no motivation to anything I should do, and therefore can't get forward in my life. Also the stress levels are getting high again, because of the fact that I know I should do something. I have to say though, that I would be way worse, if it wasn't for my loving GF. Because of her, I still can at least do something.

Another thing I wanna talk about is how students are treated in Finland at the moment. There just was law proposition about cutting student money, so you can't get student money if you go for another college/university degree. Thank god that was cancelled, but now, I think it was just a trick by government to get students happy, so we wouldn't ask for raise in student money. Because that is really what at least I want. Student money is smaller than unemployment money. What's the point in that? At least in my mind, students deserves at least same amount of money than unemployed. Right now, I'm not on student money, because it got "frozen". I've been living on social aid, which is like 10 times bigger than my student money was. There's no logic in that. Then the public wonders why students end up working long days alongside studies; maybe the reason is the fact, that they can't really get along with only study money..

But yeah, back to my life. Right now, I'm probably gonna go for partial sickness benefit, so I can still study, but don't have to stress that much on study credits. I still have to find some courses to go for next semester, but I just can't seem to find anything interesting; the thing being, nothing really interests me at the moment. I also have to find some summer job, but it's not easy without connections to anything, nor almost any work experience, and no degree on anything really.

One thing I've also noticed lately, is how much I overthink everything. My brain decides some things are way worse, than they really are; or at least I think they aren't really that bad. Won't go to details on that. Lately I've also been thinking, how many people really care about me, or want to know how I am? Apart from really my GF, I very rarely get anyone come to talk to me; every conversation I get, is started by me. I know, I also overthink that, because probably people just don't know what to say to me; I rarely know what to say to others neither, but still, sometimes I just want someone to come to ask me how I am, without me needing to ask them first. And before anyone comes to ask me now, don't. Don't do it now, just because I said it, do it if you really want to talk. I am pretty much always available for conversation, just ask; I will tell you if I'm busy on something; altho that's not pretty usual, because I really don't do anything ever.

But yeah, I know I'm not only one feeling sad at the moment, and I wanna say to you all, the bad mood is transient, it'll go away, eventually. Just stay strong, I know I will. Big hugs to all of you, and big thanks to any of you who really care! You mean the world to me! ♥

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